Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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