ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
