dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
