I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
