They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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