Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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