I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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