M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
