my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I deserve this hangover.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
