If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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