I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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