That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
