and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
