my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
