i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
