i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize