...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
