I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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