Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
