he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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