It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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