i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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