if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
