i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
