i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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