Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The adults are the big ones right?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
