Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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