I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my being single is dangerous.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
