Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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