tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
