in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize