Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
