yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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