did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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