I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
