bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize