So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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