You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
someone owes me an orgasm
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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