Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
