well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
