The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
