Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
