So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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