well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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