And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
