My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can't motorboat a personality
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
