I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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