At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
