So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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