Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
