We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize