they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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