There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
