lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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