I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
