break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
