The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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