id be glad to
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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