Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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