how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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