I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
