Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
