So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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