Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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