We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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