i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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