I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
