He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
