I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no you cant smoke seaweed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize