I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
