When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
