she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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