Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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