I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
