last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
