my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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