Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
