We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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