He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
