This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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