peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
