do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
