Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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