Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
